The Baby Parenting Coach » parenting

What Baby Really Needs

Ingrid — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 03:11:06 +0000

A survey of how babies are parented around the globe quickly reveals that beyond adequate shelter and food, little else is agreed upon as physical “necessities” for raising a young child. All the choices in clothing, gear, and extras are additions to the business of parenting. Although in the industrialized western countries the focus can become fixed on the material choices, the truly significant pieces come from within the parents. Regardless of where you are in the world, regardless of where you are on the income scale, if you are stable with food and shelter, you are a candidate for being a wonderful parent.

How can I make this sweeping statement, pushing aside all material choices in favor of a more primary, more fundamental choice? It is because your awareness of your own true nature and how you bring that to parenting is infinitely more significant than any material choice. When you embrace a willingness to relax and possibly not know what’s next, the opening of your mind and heart gives you access to wisdom beyond virtual reality. Moving beyond a limited point of view allows us, as parents, to expand our focus rather than narrow it. As we expand our personal selves, we begin to see the true nature of our baby. The harmonization that is possible within ourselves then carries over to our interaction with our baby.

Not many parenting guides encourage you to let go of all your concepts and scripts and welcome the mystery of your own being. It is, in fact, the ideal set up to experience your new baby in the most clear depth of awareness, free of conditioning. Our young children often draw us into the present moment very effectively. Responding to life in this powerfully spontaneous way is also a model for us to access something that is not mentally created. Wisdom, innocence, and love come with your new baby. Take the time to tune in and tap into it as you parent.

Mindful Parenting

Ingrid — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 00:09:32 +0000

If we define mindfulness as calm awareness of the present moment, it’s easy to see how that frame of mind could serve us well as parents. To be in the moment is in of itself a gift, and then to allow that to be our main way of interacting as a parent takes us into realms of possibility that may be overlooked otherwise. So much of what happens in a typical day with a baby or toddler is spontaneous, is unplanned, and is precious. By precious I mean it is fleeting in the overall developmental stages and growth you will see in your child. A certain way of playing, although it may be incorporated and built on, will never look quite the same as when your 6 month old does it! Being present to experience and enjoy with her is a gift.
However you find to remind yourself, enjoy as many sweet moments in the present as you can. Discernment is a quality that can help maximize your enjoyment. This is the ‘prioritizing’ portion, where your decisions and judgment calls (is it important or necessary to be at the playground “on time” or are your friends mothers who also allow for some ‘flex’ in their scheduling?) and you can choose where to spend more time, when to hurry.
Underneath it all, your own success in self-nourishment as you parent will determine the degree to which you successfully nurture your child. All the images and cliches about taking care of yourself first are valid, and the challenge is to understand your own thresholds and create the combination that works for you. If getting a shower first thing in the morning is key to your feeling good about yourself for the rest of the day, then making that a priority is definitely worth it. If you can delay other things in the interest of flexibility to accommodate your child’s needs, you’ll soon see the opportunity for an exchange. Mindfulness can only occur when you feel relatively balanced and whole yourself, so making it a priority to address your most important needs is a necessity.

Pay attention to and appreciate the positive situations, events, and relationships in your life. Each time you do you’ll reduce the true source of your stress — negative emotions — and be more in the moment.

Become more aware of the situations, events, relationships and thoughts that evoke stressful feelings. Again, choose to be in the present.

Parenting Confidence

Ingrid — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 17:09:10 +0000

At the end of the day, confidence is the single most important aspect of how to approach parenting. Confidence does not by any means imply that you have all the answers, that you know what to do in every (or even most) situations, or that you ever stop learning. What confidence means is trusting yourself to proceed in this remarkably challenging and rewarding endeavor with the inner knowing that you have what it takes, that you have appropriate resources on hand, that you understand your own self well enough to modulate, reflect, and be flexible.

In many cases (my own included), becoming a parent gave me a sense of connection to something much larger that I had always desired and sought in my life. Suddenly the tangible, clear application of my actions and intentions was right before me, and it parlayed me into a sort of direction and bliss that I had never experienced. I am by no means saying that is was simple or that I understood much of what I was experiencing. All I mean is that when my older son was born over 26 years ago, I had an instinctive “awakening” that it was my mission to do whatever I could to take the best possible care of him (including resolving some old family of origin issues of my own). I do feel that over time, and with the birth of his siblings, I understood more and more what exquisite teachers I had right in my own little family!

The confidence which serves us well as parents is the wisdom and insight to see ourselves, our partners, and our children as the purveyors of the ultimate learning experiences we most need. Then we can parlay whatever behaviors, challenges, and perplexities we think we see before us into the most amazing self-exploration opportunity available. Our own growth is inevitable, and as it occurs, it supports those with whom we are closest.

Parenting confidence is essential to the most important job you’ll ever do. Be sure to equip yourself with the tools, resources, and support systems that work best for you. It’s a journey with limitless opportunities!

Become a member of the Baby Parenting Coach Community and receive a complementary 15 minute phone consultation!

Courage & Consciousness To Break Unconscious Patterns in Parenting

Ingrid — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 21:52:17 +0000

Our daily actions as parents put into play the beliefs and values we pass on. Raising healthy, happy, and well-adjusted children is not a random draw. It is the result of choosing our way of interacting with our children.

For most of us, being less critical and more tolerant is a good place to start. Being accepting, encouraging, and child-friendly goes a long way toward healthy parenting.

An added benefit of taking the time to examine our own patterns is that it will also improve other relationships in our lives, with spouse, partner, teacher, and manager. The same principles work for bringing about loving, respectful, affirming, and empowering relationships with anyone.

The best way to make a contribution to a better world is to take the time to be a better parent. Most of the problems we see in society begin in the home. Being the best possible parent you can be is well worth the investment in self-examination, understanding your own patterns, and choosing to make changes to create healthy and respectful parenting.