Without getting into the highly private, intense, and controversial areas of parenting styles, I still see an enormous benefit to educating about the critical impact, for life, of what a baby and toddler experiences in the 0 – 3 age range. While we can focus on a variety of ’superficial’ issues, one parenting method over another, choices that seem vital to the parenting style we want to endorse, we seldom hear or have an open discussion of the impact of subtle nuances on our baby’s wellness. Even amongst ‘experts’, the importance of clarity of our own values and priorities before we parent is seldom discussed.

Learning to recognize, love, and accept that which is difficult, unacceptable, and challenging within ourselves is a fundamental precept to parenting. Support for that process is vital and easily makes the difference between a parent who suceeds and one who is overwhelmed.

Please encourage all those you know who are comtemplating parenthood, are already parents of babies/toddlers, and who are caregivers to seek their most trustworthy parenting voice from their own essence. As always, I welcome your questions and comments.

The fundamental need to connect and bond with a real person is usurped every time a baby or toddler is planted in front of a television, video, or electronic media. In order to learn and grow, children need to connect to nature, family, each other, and to their own creativity and initiative. The great downside of the convenient “babysitting’ use of electronic media is that it robs the child of the direct interaction that is key to development of initiative and creativity.

If you are not familiar with the epidemic absence of these qualities in some of our youth, please spend some time in a middle school or high school. I assure you, it will not be a long wait to see a demonstration of the result of “electronic” overexposure. Qualities like problem-solving, using the imagination, inventing and negotiating rules of a game, all examples of growth and change that tap into qualities developed through real life experiences, are noticeably missing in many youth today.

The ‘tuning out’ and absorption with consumer related topics does not begin in the pre-teen or teen years. Groundwork is laid in the baby and toddler stages, by providing other than direct experience with the real world. The three basic needs of of childhood are: positive relationships with adults and other children, security, and creative play. Please take the time to learn how best to provide this for your baby and toddler. The essential building blocks of healthy child development are in your reach.

Email and phone support available
Ingrid Johnson 303.776.8100

For most of us, being less critical and more tolerant is a good place to start. Being accepting, encouraging, and child-friendly goes a long way toward healthy parenting.

An added benefit of taking the time to examine our own patterns is that it will also improve other relationships in our lives, with spouse, partner, teacher, and manager. The same principles work for bringing about loving, respectful, affirming, and empowering relationships with anyone.

The best way to make a contribution to a better world is to take the time to be a better parent. Most of the problems we see in society begin in the home. Being the best possible parent you can be is well worth the investment in self-examination, understanding your own patterns, and choosing to make changes to create healthy and respectful parenting.

Support is available by email and phone.
www.BabyParentingCoach.com

Because there are so many choices involved, ranging from where and how to give birth, whether to circumcise a baby boy, whether to breastfeed, immunizations, cloth diapers vs. disposable, and on and on, the more preparation time you have, the better you will fare. Talk to as many parents as you can, and ask the questions you’re really interested in – even though they may not be the ‘mainstream’ topics.

If you’re concerned about the effects being new parents will have on your relationship with your partner, ask couples you know who have been through this phase how they coped with it. It’s really worth it to do the research!

My own good fortune in having a midwife deliver all three of my children was almost ‘an accident’. I didn’t really know anything about midwives, and went for a routine check-up with my ob-gyn. His office had just hired a midwife, and I was told some of my pre-natal appointments would be with her. As soon as I met Janet, I knew I had a partner to support the kind of birth I wanted, and she went on to deliver all 3 of my babies! It was a joyful and family centered event each time, and I cherish the memories.

Don’t hesitate to dig around and do some research. There are many choices, from hospital birth to homebirth, birthing centers – no one choice is right for everyone. It’s well worth the investment of your time to talk with care providers, parents, and any resource that gives you insight into making your birth experience uniquely yours and comfortable.

Support is available to make the optimum choices for you and your family.

www.BabyParentingCoach.com

Join me for a free tele-class “Parenting Your Baby: What We know For Sure” Sept 15 at 8 pm EST

While this obviates an entire segment of what is currently marketed to parents, it is true that you and your baby have everything you need to engage in this activity. Your faces, your voices, your touch, and your attention and interest are truly the best props you could have.

Rather than ‘plugging’ your very young child into an electronic entertainment device, please consider that your time and focus are very well spent interacting with your baby. If you have other tasks you are wanting to accomplish, I’ve found that talking to your baby while you wash dishes, file papers, or do some other task that does not require your complete attention enables you to stay connected. Then you can re-connect fully for another session of play!

All of my anecdotal experience says it it completely worth it to find a way to be available and make the effort to connect. The first few years of your child’s life are crucial to development of lifelong patterns.

www.BabyParentingCoach.com

Rather than engage in power struggles over conflicting choices, it’s more effective to focus on modelling a life that reflects your true values. A child who observes, for instance, her parents volunteering in the midst of their busy lives receives an important message – it’s worth it to take time to give your time/services even when you are busy with your own life. There are intangible benefits from such action. Children absorb values quickly. Observing parent’s responses, behaviors, and attitudes is the primary source of a young child’s value system.
Lead by example, and never doubt that your choices affect your child in ways that will be reflected throughout her life. Who you choose to be is the greatest gift and influence you will have on your child’s development.

It worked well for me until I met my now ex-husband, and at age 33, we married and had my oldest, now 25! Literally from the moment of his birth (and maybe during pregnancy, also), I was on a mission to be the best mom I could possibly be. When I held Taylor at birth, I knew I was entering the most significant undertaking of my life. My joy and amazement at him as a baby launched me on a journey that inspired me to clean up some of my own residual issues. It also gave me the energy and motivation to seek out the best possible options, every step of the way.

Choosing not to circumcise him, breastfeeding him, reading to him, finding the right nursery school (which I loved so much I wanted to spend the day there myself!), encouraging his innate talent for art, and many other choices and decisions were made from an inspired place. So I, the ‘late to motherhood’, reluctant mom became a committed, dedicated, and absolutely passionate mom. Fortunately for me, I went on to have 2 more beautiful children, a daughter and son, and today all three are, quite definitely, the ‘crown jewels’ of my experience here on planet earth!

Although everyone’s parenting experience is unique, we also have a lot in common. Truly, it is an endeavor that offers growth, transformation, and enormous opportunity to be living your passion every day.

In order to parent well over time (and we all know that parenting doesn’t end when they leave for college), your best strategy is to learn and understand your own strategy. Then you have a base from which to be flexible, and that flexibility, combined with self-knowledge, will serve you well. It will enable you to seek out and use varying resources over the years.

Taking control of your own emotions provides a pathway to success in parenting. By control, I do not mean suppressing or repressing emotions. Control means understanding, coupled with effective resources for experiencing your own emotions when it is healthy and productive. For many adults today, this is not an easy task. We are all pretty much trained to seek self-gratification, and seek it soon. Parenthood will derail that usually for a while, but many parents become absorbed in having their child be a status symbol, a possession, an extension of themselves. These are all recipes for failure as a parent. Unless you can set aside your own agenda on a consistent basis, your parenting will suffer.

I call this approach ’sustainable’ parenting because it works well, it works over time, it nurtures you and your child, and it has potential to evolve through all the stages and phases of parenting. When you see your parenting as it is, tell the truth, then see it as better than it is, you can raise the standard, and grow yourself as well as make yourself a better parent for your child.