The Baby Parenting Coach – Empowering Parenting for Early Childhood

Talor Zamir Interviews Ingrid

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Mindful Parenting

TAGS: baby parenting ⋅ conscious parenting ⋅ parenting ⋅ parenting awareness ⋅ toddler parenting

If we define mindfulness as calm awareness of the present moment, it’s easy to see how that frame of mind could serve us well as parents. To be in the moment is in of itself a gift, and then to allow that to be our main way of interacting as a parent takes us into realms of possibility that may be overlooked otherwise. So much of what happens in a typical day with a baby or toddler is spontaneous, is unplanned, and is precious. By precious I mean it is fleeting in the overall developmental stages and growth you will see in your child. A certain way of playing, although it may be incorporated and built on, will never look quite the same as when your 6 month old does it! Being present to experience and enjoy with her is a gift.
However you find to remind yourself, enjoy as many sweet moments in the present as you can. Discernment is a quality that can help maximize your enjoyment. This is the ‘prioritizing’ portion, where your decisions and judgment calls (is it important or necessary to be at the playground “on time” or are your friends mothers who also allow for some ‘flex’ in their scheduling?) and you can choose where to spend more time, when to hurry.
Underneath it all, your own success in self-nourishment as you parent will determine the degree to which you successfully nurture your child. All the images and cliches about taking care of yourself first are valid, and the challenge is to understand your own thresholds and create the combination that works for you. If getting a shower first thing in the morning is key to your feeling good about yourself for the rest of the day, then making that a priority is definitely worth it. If you can delay other things in the interest of flexibility to accommodate your child’s needs, you’ll soon see the opportunity for an exchange. Mindfulness can only occur when you feel relatively balanced and whole yourself, so making it a priority to address your most important needs is a necessity.

Pay attention to and appreciate the positive situations, events, and relationships in your life. Each time you do you’ll reduce the true source of your stress — negative emotions — and be more in the moment.

Become more aware of the situations, events, relationships and thoughts that evoke stressful feelings. Again, choose to be in the present.

Parenting Confidence

TAGS: parenting ⋅ parenting confidence ⋅ parenting suport

At the end of the day, confidence is the single most important aspect of how to approach parenting. Confidence does not by any means imply that you have all the answers, that you know what to do in every (or even most) situations, or that you ever stop learning. What confidence means is trusting yourself to proceed in this remarkably challenging and rewarding endeavor with the inner knowing that you have what it takes, that you have appropriate resources on hand, that you understand your own self well enough to modulate, reflect, and be flexible.

In many cases (my own included), becoming a parent gave me a sense of connection to something much larger that I had always desired and sought in my life. Suddenly the tangible, clear application of my actions and intentions was right before me, and it parlayed me into a sort of direction and bliss that I had never experienced. I am by no means saying that is was simple or that I understood much of what I was experiencing. All I mean is that when my older son was born over 26 years ago, I had an instinctive “awakening” that it was my mission to do whatever I could to take the best possible care of him (including resolving some old family of origin issues of my own). I do feel that over time, and with the birth of his siblings, I understood more and more what exquisite teachers I had right in my own little family!

The confidence which serves us well as parents is the wisdom and insight to see ourselves, our partners, and our children as the purveyors of the ultimate learning experiences we most need. Then we can parlay whatever behaviors, challenges, and perplexities we think we see before us into the most amazing self-exploration opportunity available. Our own growth is inevitable, and as it occurs, it supports those with whom we are closest.

Parenting confidence is essential to the most important job you’ll ever do. Be sure to equip yourself with the tools, resources, and support systems that work best for you. It’s a journey with limitless opportunities!

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Parenting Power

TAGS: baby development ⋅ baby parenting ⋅ creative play ⋅ nurturing parenting ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting power ⋅ parenting support

I recently heard a discussion on the radio about the loss of creativity in the workplace as a detriment to our economy. Seems there is a preponderance of one-dimensional employees with little or no creative capacity. Seems that researchers and investigators are now finding this phenomenon does not impact our economy positively. It’s hard for me not to inject some sarcasm into my comments, since the creativity in most of us is deleted, pruned, or at least substantially diminished in our very early years.

Once again, a phenomenon that affects us all is only being recognized and discussed long after the most promising time and opportunity to address it has passed. To discuss loss of economic productivity in the marketplace and trace it back to lack of creativity in employees is a very backward approach to a very fundamental issue. What about the quality of life these employees must have had before they ever reached adulthood to be so abysmally devoid of an inherent aspect that we all have at birth? Why is no one asking what happened that we have an adult population with a marked absence of creativity?

Isn’t it alarming that the parenting of infants and toddlers does not include any substantive discussion of the enormous power of parents at this time in their parenting careers to impact creativity for life? This is the most optimum time in which to give a new human being the necessary neural circuitry, nurturing, and fertile foundation for developing and accessing creativity for life. It’s not about Baby Einstein, or any of a large array of superficial ‘educational’ toys for very young children. Parental understanding of what is happening developmentally is crucial to the kind of experiences that truly build cognitive functioning, along with all the adjunct developments in a child who is balanced and whole. That beginning is where creativity thrives and flourishes. Without the understanding necessary to appropriately incubate and nurture this vital part of the new human, it gets suffocated, shut down, and over time, completely eradicated. Hence our current, not surprisingly creativity devoid workforce!

Babies: Trusting Yourself to Parent

TAGS: baby parenting ⋅ listening to your baby ⋅ parenting education ⋅ parenting skills

At the end of the day, even with all the parenting resources available today, it’s our sense of trusting ourselves that empowers us. Creating an ongoing format to enhance that confidence is a powerful tool to have in our parenting repertoire. It might be as simple as talking over your options about a particular challenge with a trusted mentor. An ongoing moms group that enables listening and sharing in a supportive way may be a good source of feedback. There are a variety of options for developing this important trait in your parenting.

As with many aspects of parenting, there is opportunity to constantly add to your ‘toolbox’, refine your insights, and upgrade your skills. Raising kids is the ultimate growth experience. They are growing – you can, too! Seeing the inevitable challenges as opportunities for your own personal growth is an attitude worth exploring.

You may wonder how a baby’s sleep habits could be an opportunity for your growth. Well, there are a great many different ways of responding, reacting, and handling sleep patterns and habits. The behaviors of your infant may summon responses that are unique. Singing a particular lullaby may work better with one child than another. The variations and opportunities for creativity are huge. Have fun with it, explore, be flexible and open, and see you own potential expand. That’s the best start to trusting yourself as a parent.

Babies: Look At How We Parent

TAGS: baby development ⋅ baby learning ⋅ baby parenting ⋅ brain development ⋅ nurturing parenting ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting support ⋅ relationships ⋅ security

What will our future be like? I get a small glimpse every time I witness an interaction between an adult and a baby/toddler. It’s not that I have a crystal ball, but as a dedicated observer and researcher of how parenting affects baby brain development, I continue to see the correlation between parents’/caregivers’ “styles” and the baby’s behavior. The recurring pattern I notice is that stressed, maxed-out parents have babies/toddlers with much more challenging, ‘acting out’ behaviors that then, in turn, contribute to more stress for the adult. The cycle is particularly challenging when parents are already encumbered with sleep deprivation, straining relationships, and the myriad of other ‘extras” heaped on (often) unprepared parents.

I continue to encourage my clients and others to take the time to look at your ‘bare minimum” requirements of what you need to feel good yourself. It can be as simple as a 10 minute walk by yourself in the morning when a neighbor or trusted someone will watch your child. Scheduling “me” time is never more important than when you are parenting. I say that because if you are feeling at all resentful, frustrated, depressed, maxed out, etc., etc., your baby gets it – even at the very youngest ages.

You may be arguing with someone on the phone in the next room – your child knows and senses the stressed energy you carry as a result. She may not begin to grasp the content, but the biochemical and energetic shifts that strong emotions create are transmitted – every time, no matter how well you think you ‘shield’ your child.
Take the time to define your “bare minimum” of “me” time required to operate in a consistently calm and balanced manner. You will reap disproportionate rewards in your child’s behaviors.

Parenting Baby with Direct Experience of the Real World

TAGS: baby development ⋅ baby learning ⋅ brain development ⋅ creative play ⋅ nurturing parenting ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting skills ⋅ parenting support ⋅ relationships ⋅ security

Today’s media-obsessed culture and fast-paced technology are not appropriate hosts for early childhood. As adults, we participate to the extent we choose, in the frenzy and disconnect that modern technology provides. Our very young child’s development is undermined by the same technologies that make our adult lives more efficient and/or effective (with a big question mark by the last part of that statement, for discussion at some other time).

The fundamental need to connect and bond with a real person is usurped every time a baby or toddler is planted in front of a television, video, or electronic media. In order to learn and grow, children need to connect to nature, family, each other, and to their own creativity and initiative. The great downside of the convenient “babysitting’ use of electronic media is that it robs the child of the direct interaction that is key to development of initiative and creativity.

If you are not familiar with the epidemic absence of these qualities in some of our youth, please spend some time in a middle school or high school. I assure you, it will not be a long wait to see a demonstration of the result of “electronic” overexposure. Qualities like problem-solving, using the imagination, inventing and negotiating rules of a game, all examples of growth and change that tap into qualities developed through real life experiences, are noticeably missing in many youth today.

The ‘tuning out’ and absorption with consumer related topics does not begin in the pre-teen or teen years. Groundwork is laid in the baby and toddler stages, by providing other than direct experience with the real world. The three basic needs of of childhood are: positive relationships with adults and other children, security, and creative play. Please take the time to learn how best to provide this for your baby and toddler. The essential building blocks of healthy child development are in your reach.

Courage & Consciousness To Break Unconscious Patterns in Parenting

TAGS: baby parenting ⋅ parenting ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting support

Our daily actions as parents put into play the beliefs and values we pass on. Raising healthy, happy, and well-adjusted children is not a random draw. It is the result of choosing our way of interacting with our children.

For most of us, being less critical and more tolerant is a good place to start. Being accepting, encouraging, and child-friendly goes a long way toward healthy parenting.

An added benefit of taking the time to examine our own patterns is that it will also improve other relationships in our lives, with spouse, partner, teacher, and manager. The same principles work for bringing about loving, respectful, affirming, and empowering relationships with anyone.

The best way to make a contribution to a better world is to take the time to be a better parent. Most of the problems we see in society begin in the home. Being the best possible parent you can be is well worth the investment in self-examination, understanding your own patterns, and choosing to make changes to create healthy and respectful parenting.

Your Birth, Your Baby, Your Choice

Becoming a parent is an intensely intimate and private event. At the same time, today it is possible to quickly become inundated with opinions, pressures, advice, and options that can be confusing and overwhelming. Retreating to the privacy of your own inner world can be a good starting point for sorting out what is best for you, your baby, and your family.

Because there are so many choices involved, ranging from where and how to give birth, whether to circumcise a baby boy, whether to breastfeed, immunizations, cloth diapers vs. disposable, and on and on, the more preparation time you have, the better you will fare. Talk to as many parents as you can, and ask the questions you’re really interested in – even though they may not be the ‘mainstream’ topics.

If you’re concerned about the effects being new parents will have on your relationship with your partner, ask couples you know who have been through this phase how they coped with it. It’s really worth it to do the research!

My own good fortune in having a midwife deliver all three of my children was almost ‘an accident’. I didn’t really know anything about midwives, and went for a routine check-up with my ob-gyn. His office had just hired a midwife, and I was told some of my pre-natal appointments would be with her. As soon as I met Janet, I knew I had a partner to support the kind of birth I wanted, and she went on to deliver all 3 of my babies! It was a joyful and family centered event each time, and I cherish the memories.

Don’t hesitate to dig around and do some research. There are many choices, from hospital birth to homebirth, birthing centers – no one choice is right for everyone. It’s well worth the investment of your time to talk with care providers, parents, and any resource that gives you insight into making your birth experience uniquely yours and comfortable.

Join me for a free tele-class “Parenting Your Baby: What We know For Sure” Sept 15 at 8 pm EST

Play, play, play

TAGS: parenting choices ⋅ parenting skills

For your baby and toddler, the optimum way to learn is through play. There are no flashcards, movies, or lessons that are needed. The most valuable source of learning at these early ages is interaction with YOU!

While this obviates an entire segment of what is currently marketed to parents, it is true that you and your baby have everything you need to engage in this activity. Your faces, your voices, your touch, and your attention and interest are truly the best props you could have.

Rather than ‘plugging’ your very young child into an electronic entertainment device, please consider that your time and focus are very well spent interacting with your baby. If you have other tasks you are wanting to accomplish, I’ve found that talking to your baby while you wash dishes, file papers, or do some other task that does not require your complete attention enables you to stay connected. Then you can re-connect fully for another session of play!

All of my anecdotal experience says it it completely worth it to find a way to be available and make the effort to connect. The first few years of your child’s life are crucial to development of lifelong patterns.

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