Sep
22
2011
TAGS: baby parenting ⋅ conscious parenting ⋅ parenting ⋅ parenting awareness ⋅ toddler parenting
If we define mindfulness as calm awareness of the present moment, it’s easy to see how that frame of mind could serve us well as parents. To be in the moment is in of itself a gift, and then to allow that to be our main way of interacting as a parent takes us into realms of possibility that may be overlooked otherwise. So much of what happens in a typical day with a baby or toddler is spontaneous, is unplanned, and is precious. By precious I mean it is fleeting in the overall developmental stages and growth you will see in your child. A certain way of playing, although it may be incorporated and built on, will never look quite the same as when your 6 month old does it! Being present to experience and enjoy with her is a gift.
However you find to remind yourself, enjoy as many sweet moments in the present as you can. Discernment is a quality that can help maximize your enjoyment. This is the ‘prioritizing’ portion, where your decisions and judgment calls (is it important or necessary to be at the playground “on time” or are your friends mothers who also allow for some ‘flex’ in their scheduling?) and you can choose where to spend more time, when to hurry.
Underneath it all, your own success in self-nourishment as you parent will determine the degree to which you successfully nurture your child. All the images and cliches about taking care of yourself first are valid, and the challenge is to understand your own thresholds and create the combination that works for you. If getting a shower first thing in the morning is key to your feeling good about yourself for the rest of the day, then making that a priority is definitely worth it. If you can delay other things in the interest of flexibility to accommodate your child’s needs, you’ll soon see the opportunity for an exchange. Mindfulness can only occur when you feel relatively balanced and whole yourself, so making it a priority to address your most important needs is a necessity.
Pay attention to and appreciate the positive situations, events, and relationships in your life. Each time you do you’ll reduce the true source of your stress — negative emotions — and be more in the moment.
Become more aware of the situations, events, relationships and thoughts that evoke stressful feelings. Again, choose to be in the present.
Jan
11
2010
TAGS: baby development ⋅ baby learning ⋅ baby parenting ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting power ⋅ parenting support ⋅ relationships ⋅ security
Much of my focus recently has been on educating about the importance of parenting to support optimum baby brain development. The deeper I delve into research that has, in most cases, been around for many years, the more it is validated for me that what we do as parents/caregivers of the very young is inextricably linked to quality of life for us all. It’s interesting to me that so little connection is made in our mainstream media. It’s as if tantrums, behavioral challenges, ADD/ADHD, teen angst, our overflowing prisons, and the myriad of social problems that we have arrive from another planet, are some external ill that is foisted upon us, and are reason to consult ‘experts’ or other resources outside ourselves. It’s my belief that 90+% of these issues could be addressed in very early childhood. Preparing for and supporting ourselves during this monumental task would make a world of difference, not just for you and your child, but for all of us who live in this society and world with you.
Without getting into the highly private, intense, and controversial areas of parenting styles, I still see an enormous benefit to educating about the critical impact, for life, of what a baby and toddler experiences in the 0 – 3 age range. While we can focus on a variety of ‘superficial’ issues, one parenting method over another, choices that seem vital to the parenting style we want to endorse, we seldom hear or have an open discussion of the impact of subtle nuances on our baby’s wellness. Even amongst ‘experts’, the importance of clarity of our own values and priorities before we parent is seldom discussed.
Learning to recognize, love, and accept that which is difficult, unacceptable, and challenging within ourselves is a fundamental precept to parenting. Support for that process is vital and easily makes the difference between a parent who suceeds and one who is overwhelmed.
Please encourage all those you know who are comtemplating parenthood, are already parents of babies/toddlers, and who are caregivers to seek their most trustworthy parenting voice from their own essence. As always, I welcome your questions and comments.
May
30
2009
These are basic steps for making sure your baby’s brain has the opportunity to develop in an optimal way. We know today that the influences begin before birth, and that even subtle things that may not seem important to you affect your baby’s brain. The neural pathways are formed for lifelong stress response at this time, so please take the time to understand the responsibility you have.
- Good nutrition in pregnancy is key. Eat the very best diet you can, and of course, refrain from any toxic substances (tobacco, alcohol, etc.)
- Insure your baby’s safety and well-being. A dangerous environment or a lack of response to baby’s stress create a series of effects that can actually slow brain development. Responding lovingly and consistently to your baby’s cries and giving her attention to insure that she does not experience this type of stress.
- Talk to your baby throughout the day, describing what you’re seeing, what you’re doing. The interaction actually builds brain connections, readies her for language skills, and creates a healthy emotional bond.
- Start reading aloud to your baby as early as possible. In addition to helping brian development of language connections, you spend time together and instill a lifelong love of books.
- Choose high quality childcare. There is a huge range of quality within childcare options, and selecting an environment that is sensitive, loving, and appropriately stimulating will greatly enhance your baby’s brain development.
- Get the information and resources you need. Learn about your baby’s development, ask questions at check-up time, and find the resources you need. The 0-3 year old time is a unique opportunity to shape your child’s entire life by carefully choosing what environment you provide.
Jan
22
2009
From birth to age 3, profound changes and growth are occurring in your baby’s brain. Developmentally, every 3 years is a marked cycle of changes and types of growth. I believe if we all knew what the 0-3 growth was really about, we would be more selective in the environments we create for our babies.
It’s a pretty good analogy to say that your baby is like a ‘sponge’ at these ages, and developmentally, taking in everything in her surroundings is part of the plan. “Pruning” of brain synapses happens, with or without our input. For optimum brain development, reducing or eliminating negative stress for your baby is a huge gift you can give. This means minimizing sensory overload, modulating loud or new experiences, and develping an awareness of what your baby does and doesn’t like to be around.
It’s documented with ‘hard’ science now that if a baby’s brain is unduly overloaded with stress, there is a cascade of events that result in your baby actually ‘shutting down’ and learning that the world is a hostile, unfriendly environment. The cumulative effect of these kinds of experiences result in a young child out of touch with her own internal feedback. It sets up young children to be dependent entirely on outside sources for making decisions about what they need and want (easy to see how this can be a precursor to a lifetime of eating disorders, substance abuse, behavioral difficulties, etc.)
Please educate yourself as a parent about the extremely dynamic growth happening in your baby’s brain. Your choices in how you interact and the environments that you create for her will shape her lifelong experience.
Dec
12
2008
Okay, there is no such “syndrome”, but there is an increased stress level in many families due to the holidays. This wonderful, magical, social, and fun time is also marked by lots of additional stress in our lives.
Yesterday I attended a weekly music class for babies and toddlers that is usually a highly participatory, fun event. The group was large, and both babies and adults were cranky, subdued, and not engaged nearly as much as usual. My ‘armchair diagnosis’ is sensory overload from all the ‘extras’ already going on because of holidays. I heard a couple of Moms comment on their incredibly long lists of extra things they were trying to accomplish because of holidays, and several bemoaned how close together Thanksgiving and Christmas are this year!
While I have no solution to the overwhelm many adults succumb to during this season, I do suggest shielding your baby from it as much as possible. Be aware that your baby absorbs all the ambient ‘energy’, whether or not it is directed at her. Even if you are wisely maintaining the regular routines, she is also picking up the heightened state of excitement everywhere, from the retail buzz in stores to festivities at friends’ homes. If you carefully limit how much you choose to expose baby to, you will have much less stressed out crankiness with which to contend.
Happy Holidays!
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