Without getting into the highly private, intense, and controversial areas of parenting styles, I still see an enormous benefit to educating about the critical impact, for life, of what a baby and toddler experiences in the 0 – 3 age range. While we can focus on a variety of ’superficial’ issues, one parenting method over another, choices that seem vital to the parenting style we want to endorse, we seldom hear or have an open discussion of the impact of subtle nuances on our baby’s wellness. Even amongst ‘experts’, the importance of clarity of our own values and priorities before we parent is seldom discussed.

Learning to recognize, love, and accept that which is difficult, unacceptable, and challenging within ourselves is a fundamental precept to parenting. Support for that process is vital and easily makes the difference between a parent who suceeds and one who is overwhelmed.

Please encourage all those you know who are comtemplating parenthood, are already parents of babies/toddlers, and who are caregivers to seek their most trustworthy parenting voice from their own essence. As always, I welcome your questions and comments.

While this obviates an entire segment of what is currently marketed to parents, it is true that you and your baby have everything you need to engage in this activity. Your faces, your voices, your touch, and your attention and interest are truly the best props you could have.

Rather than ‘plugging’ your very young child into an electronic entertainment device, please consider that your time and focus are very well spent interacting with your baby. If you have other tasks you are wanting to accomplish, I’ve found that talking to your baby while you wash dishes, file papers, or do some other task that does not require your complete attention enables you to stay connected. Then you can re-connect fully for another session of play!

All of my anecdotal experience says it it completely worth it to find a way to be available and make the effort to connect. The first few years of your child’s life are crucial to development of lifelong patterns.

www.BabyParentingCoach.com

In order to parent well over time (and we all know that parenting doesn’t end when they leave for college), your best strategy is to learn and understand your own strategy. Then you have a base from which to be flexible, and that flexibility, combined with self-knowledge, will serve you well. It will enable you to seek out and use varying resources over the years.

Taking control of your own emotions provides a pathway to success in parenting. By control, I do not mean suppressing or repressing emotions. Control means understanding, coupled with effective resources for experiencing your own emotions when it is healthy and productive. For many adults today, this is not an easy task. We are all pretty much trained to seek self-gratification, and seek it soon. Parenthood will derail that usually for a while, but many parents become absorbed in having their child be a status symbol, a possession, an extension of themselves. These are all recipes for failure as a parent. Unless you can set aside your own agenda on a consistent basis, your parenting will suffer.

I call this approach ’sustainable’ parenting because it works well, it works over time, it nurtures you and your child, and it has potential to evolve through all the stages and phases of parenting. When you see your parenting as it is, tell the truth, then see it as better than it is, you can raise the standard, and grow yourself as well as make yourself a better parent for your child.

Of course, we adults realize that we are making pretty much all the significant decisions in the toddler’s life. However, the many small, daily choices that are present are wonderful windows of learning, if you are aware of them and take advantage of them. The ability to discern preferences, beginning with tiny distinctions, like the degree of darkness in the child’s room for sleeping, can set the tone for including the child in decision-making. This grows into more and more participation and input as the child becomes older. Asking for feedback, listening to it, and incorporating it into the daily rhythms are important patterns for the toddler to experience.

Self-directed behavior requires checking in with self first. Toddlerhood is an optimum age at which to model and teach this skill. It has lifelong value, and can be built open at every stage of development. Self-directed behavior precedes other more sophisticated self-modulating techniques that are key to socialization. These skills are valuable for life.

Support for identifying where you are most skilled, as well as areas where you may need help is available to you in individual sessions or convenient packages now available at www.babyparentingcoach.com.

Don’t hesitate to explore the potential of your best possible parenting!

Where does this sensibility, ‘instinct’, or predisposition to be so caring, so interested in the well-being of another emanate from? How does one very young child already have a level of skill and inclusiveness, so that even when we go about another activity, she still checks back to see how her ‘animal’ friends are doing?

She has already learned ‘responsive parenting’, and is very good at it. It has, obviously, been modeled for her since the very beginning of her two years, and it is natural, fun, instinctive, and very beautiful to watch. Observing her ‘notice’ and accommodate the subtle nuances of a pretend friend wanting a little more water, or to go for a ride, truly gives me hope for our future.

Responsive parenting means viewing your role as parent as a constantly evolving, highly attuned endeavor. Knowing your baby’s smallest likes and dislikes, taking a moment to plan an experience so that it is comfortable and secure, and of course, the biggest challenge, learning to put your own ‘instant gratification’ on hold – these are all steps toward responsive (as well as responsible) parenting.

When we are not able to identify the particular need of our baby in a given moment, we can still validate her choice of how she feels at that moment, and connect with love, affection, and understanding. This is a large part of what being a parent to an infant is about – making yourself available to another who is physically very limited in her ability to take care of her own needs.

There is an enormous amount of misinformation available to parents about ‘teaching’ babies to comfort themselves. As they get older, children gradually use more words instead of cues or crying. As a parent, it’s pure wisdom to understand and encourage this. Your child deserves to be taught that it is okay to express physical and emotional pain. An emotional pattern for her lifetime is created by how you respond to her while she’s a baby.

Of course, our own child’s behaviors trigger us at times. She may exhibit a pattern or habit that we don’t like in ourselves. He may somehow remind us of a relative or person we have memories of, and that may be pleasant, joyful, sad, or annoying. Every time such an event comes up, it’s a chance to choose what we do.

Many parents revert to the pattern established by their own parenting. Others have studied approaches that may have appealed to them, and are trying to implement those. Some are influenced by friends and peers, others allow their own parenting style to emerge as they meet their baby.

The choices today in parenting styles are many. How do you choose the way that is right for you? What do you do if the way you have chosen isn’t working?

How do you best use parenting to grow yourself as a person? The results you experience are very much up to you. Having excellent support increases the chances of the outcome being what you desire.

When you decide to become a parent, you sign up for all that, as well as all the rewarding and heart-warming moments that make up being a parent. The rewards are huge, and so are the challenges. Preparing ahead of time is wonderful, and I encourage you do that. However, the best preparation in the world does not anticipate the unforeseen developments that come with a new baby.

Whether it’s a temperament or patterns that are not what you were told about in your parenting class, your baby is almost sure to bring you some unexpected challenges. Also, the predictable pieces can still create stress and discomfort for parents. How you handle this will determine the overall quality of your parenting experience.

Lining up excellent support is a wise decision before your baby is born. Knowing that there is experienced and wise support available is important. Call upon it when you need it.

I’ll be there both days, and would love to see you!

If you’re in Colorado and have a chance to stop by, please do – Colorado Convention Center in Denver, lots of valuable information, fun, and lots of shopping!

www.ohbabybabyexpo.com

Hope to see you!

Our children, even from their very youngest moments, reflect some of our own qualities and trigger some our our most difficult emotions. While most of us experience great joy and wonder looking at our offspring, it isn’t long before some pattern emerges that reminds us of something we haven’t quite worked out ourselves. That is the prime moment for growth, if we choose to use it. That is the opportunity to reflect on what is being triggered in ourselves, where it originates, what purpose it serves in our present lives, and the choice to release and go forward, or not.

No one talks much about the incredible opportunity for self-examination and growth in child-rearing. Maybe it’s because young parents are exhausted, overwhelmed, and accepting what they’ve been told about the realities of parenting. Still, in those instances where it is welcomed, we have the chance to look at who we are, how we are, and what we might want to edit out of our own behaviors.

For expert and experienced support in being the parent you want to be, contact me at 303.776.8100 or email me at babyparentingcoach@gmail.com.