Nov
20
2011
TAGS: baby development ⋅ baby learning ⋅ baby parenting ⋅ conscious parenting ⋅ listening to your baby ⋅ nurturing parenting ⋅ parenting ⋅ parenting awareness ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting confidence ⋅ parenting skills ⋅ parenting support ⋅ toddler parenting
A survey of how babies are parented around the globe quickly reveals that beyond adequate shelter and food, little else is agreed upon as physical “necessities” for raising a young child. All the choices in clothing, gear, and extras are additions to the business of parenting. Although in the industrialized western countries the focus can become fixed on the material choices, the truly significant pieces come from within the parents. Regardless of where you are in the world, regardless of where you are on the income scale, if you are stable with food and shelter, you are a candidate for being a wonderful parent.
How can I make this sweeping statement, pushing aside all material choices in favor of a more primary, more fundamental choice? It is because your awareness of your own true nature and how you bring that to parenting is infinitely more significant than any material choice. When you embrace a willingness to relax and possibly not know what’s next, the opening of your mind and heart gives you access to wisdom beyond virtual reality. Moving beyond a limited point of view allows us, as parents, to expand our focus rather than narrow it. As we expand our personal selves, we begin to see the true nature of our baby. The harmonization that is possible within ourselves then carries over to our interaction with our baby.
Not many parenting guides encourage you to let go of all your concepts and scripts and welcome the mystery of your own being. It is, in fact, the ideal set up to experience your new baby in the most clear depth of awareness, free of conditioning. Our young children often draw us into the present moment very effectively. Responding to life in this powerfully spontaneous way is also a model for us to access something that is not mentally created. Wisdom, innocence, and love come with your new baby. Take the time to tune in and tap into it as you parent.
Sep
22
2011
TAGS: baby parenting ⋅ conscious parenting ⋅ parenting ⋅ parenting awareness ⋅ toddler parenting
If we define mindfulness as calm awareness of the present moment, it’s easy to see how that frame of mind could serve us well as parents. To be in the moment is in of itself a gift, and then to allow that to be our main way of interacting as a parent takes us into realms of possibility that may be overlooked otherwise. So much of what happens in a typical day with a baby or toddler is spontaneous, is unplanned, and is precious. By precious I mean it is fleeting in the overall developmental stages and growth you will see in your child. A certain way of playing, although it may be incorporated and built on, will never look quite the same as when your 6 month old does it! Being present to experience and enjoy with her is a gift.
However you find to remind yourself, enjoy as many sweet moments in the present as you can. Discernment is a quality that can help maximize your enjoyment. This is the ‘prioritizing’ portion, where your decisions and judgment calls (is it important or necessary to be at the playground “on time” or are your friends mothers who also allow for some ‘flex’ in their scheduling?) and you can choose where to spend more time, when to hurry.
Underneath it all, your own success in self-nourishment as you parent will determine the degree to which you successfully nurture your child. All the images and cliches about taking care of yourself first are valid, and the challenge is to understand your own thresholds and create the combination that works for you. If getting a shower first thing in the morning is key to your feeling good about yourself for the rest of the day, then making that a priority is definitely worth it. If you can delay other things in the interest of flexibility to accommodate your child’s needs, you’ll soon see the opportunity for an exchange. Mindfulness can only occur when you feel relatively balanced and whole yourself, so making it a priority to address your most important needs is a necessity.
Pay attention to and appreciate the positive situations, events, and relationships in your life. Each time you do you’ll reduce the true source of your stress — negative emotions — and be more in the moment.
Become more aware of the situations, events, relationships and thoughts that evoke stressful feelings. Again, choose to be in the present.
Nov
4
2010
TAGS: baby development ⋅ baby parenting ⋅ creative play ⋅ nurturing parenting ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting power ⋅ parenting support
I recently heard a discussion on the radio about the loss of creativity in the workplace as a detriment to our economy. Seems there is a preponderance of one-dimensional employees with little or no creative capacity. Seems that researchers and investigators are now finding this phenomenon does not impact our economy positively. It’s hard for me not to inject some sarcasm into my comments, since the creativity in most of us is deleted, pruned, or at least substantially diminished in our very early years.
Once again, a phenomenon that affects us all is only being recognized and discussed long after the most promising time and opportunity to address it has passed. To discuss loss of economic productivity in the marketplace and trace it back to lack of creativity in employees is a very backward approach to a very fundamental issue. What about the quality of life these employees must have had before they ever reached adulthood to be so abysmally devoid of an inherent aspect that we all have at birth? Why is no one asking what happened that we have an adult population with a marked absence of creativity?
Isn’t it alarming that the parenting of infants and toddlers does not include any substantive discussion of the enormous power of parents at this time in their parenting careers to impact creativity for life? This is the most optimum time in which to give a new human being the necessary neural circuitry, nurturing, and fertile foundation for developing and accessing creativity for life. It’s not about Baby Einstein, or any of a large array of superficial ‘educational’ toys for very young children. Parental understanding of what is happening developmentally is crucial to the kind of experiences that truly build cognitive functioning, along with all the adjunct developments in a child who is balanced and whole. That beginning is where creativity thrives and flourishes. Without the understanding necessary to appropriately incubate and nurture this vital part of the new human, it gets suffocated, shut down, and over time, completely eradicated. Hence our current, not surprisingly creativity devoid workforce!
Jun
16
2010
TAGS: baby parenting ⋅ listening to your baby ⋅ parenting education ⋅ parenting skills
At the end of the day, even with all the parenting resources available today, it’s our sense of trusting ourselves that empowers us. Creating an ongoing format to enhance that confidence is a powerful tool to have in our parenting repertoire. It might be as simple as talking over your options about a particular challenge with a trusted mentor. An ongoing moms group that enables listening and sharing in a supportive way may be a good source of feedback. There are a variety of options for developing this important trait in your parenting.
As with many aspects of parenting, there is opportunity to constantly add to your ‘toolbox’, refine your insights, and upgrade your skills. Raising kids is the ultimate growth experience. They are growing – you can, too! Seeing the inevitable challenges as opportunities for your own personal growth is an attitude worth exploring.
You may wonder how a baby’s sleep habits could be an opportunity for your growth. Well, there are a great many different ways of responding, reacting, and handling sleep patterns and habits. The behaviors of your infant may summon responses that are unique. Singing a particular lullaby may work better with one child than another. The variations and opportunities for creativity are huge. Have fun with it, explore, be flexible and open, and see you own potential expand. That’s the best start to trusting yourself as a parent.
Jan
11
2010
TAGS: baby development ⋅ baby learning ⋅ baby parenting ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting power ⋅ parenting support ⋅ relationships ⋅ security
Much of my focus recently has been on educating about the importance of parenting to support optimum baby brain development. The deeper I delve into research that has, in most cases, been around for many years, the more it is validated for me that what we do as parents/caregivers of the very young is inextricably linked to quality of life for us all. It’s interesting to me that so little connection is made in our mainstream media. It’s as if tantrums, behavioral challenges, ADD/ADHD, teen angst, our overflowing prisons, and the myriad of social problems that we have arrive from another planet, are some external ill that is foisted upon us, and are reason to consult ‘experts’ or other resources outside ourselves. It’s my belief that 90+% of these issues could be addressed in very early childhood. Preparing for and supporting ourselves during this monumental task would make a world of difference, not just for you and your child, but for all of us who live in this society and world with you.
Without getting into the highly private, intense, and controversial areas of parenting styles, I still see an enormous benefit to educating about the critical impact, for life, of what a baby and toddler experiences in the 0 – 3 age range. While we can focus on a variety of ‘superficial’ issues, one parenting method over another, choices that seem vital to the parenting style we want to endorse, we seldom hear or have an open discussion of the impact of subtle nuances on our baby’s wellness. Even amongst ‘experts’, the importance of clarity of our own values and priorities before we parent is seldom discussed.
Learning to recognize, love, and accept that which is difficult, unacceptable, and challenging within ourselves is a fundamental precept to parenting. Support for that process is vital and easily makes the difference between a parent who suceeds and one who is overwhelmed.
Please encourage all those you know who are comtemplating parenthood, are already parents of babies/toddlers, and who are caregivers to seek their most trustworthy parenting voice from their own essence. As always, I welcome your questions and comments.
Sep
2
2009
TAGS: parenting choices ⋅ parenting skills
For your baby and toddler, the optimum way to learn is through play. There are no flashcards, movies, or lessons that are needed. The most valuable source of learning at these early ages is interaction with YOU!
While this obviates an entire segment of what is currently marketed to parents, it is true that you and your baby have everything you need to engage in this activity. Your faces, your voices, your touch, and your attention and interest are truly the best props you could have.
Rather than ‘plugging’ your very young child into an electronic entertainment device, please consider that your time and focus are very well spent interacting with your baby. If you have other tasks you are wanting to accomplish, I’ve found that talking to your baby while you wash dishes, file papers, or do some other task that does not require your complete attention enables you to stay connected. Then you can re-connect fully for another session of play!
All of my anecdotal experience says it it completely worth it to find a way to be available and make the effort to connect. The first few years of your child’s life are crucial to development of lifelong patterns.
www.BabyParentingCoach.com
Jun
30
2009
Developmentally, your toddler is beginning to emerge as an independent little person, also very much in need of reliable connection to you. Finding ways to balance those two factors while remaining responsive and supportive of the developmental changes are the challenges of this period in parenting. Parents who continue to control and orchestrate every event for the toddler are removing an important learning opportunity.
Of course, we adults realize that we are making pretty much all the significant decisions in the toddler’s life. However, the many small, daily choices that are present are wonderful windows of learning, if you are aware of them and take advantage of them. The ability to discern preferences, beginning with tiny distinctions, like the degree of darkness in the child’s room for sleeping, can set the tone for including the child in decision-making. This grows into more and more participation and input as the child becomes older. Asking for feedback, listening to it, and incorporating it into the daily rhythms are important patterns for the toddler to experience.
Self-directed behavior requires checking in with self first. Toddlerhood is an optimum age at which to model and teach this skill. It has lifelong value, and can be built open at every stage of development. Self-directed behavior precedes other more sophisticated self-modulating techniques that are key to socialization. These skills are valuable for life.
Support for identifying where you are most skilled, as well as areas where you may need help is available to you in individual sessions or convenient packages now available at www.babyparentingcoach.com.
Don’t hesitate to explore the potential of your best possible parenting!
Feb
4
2009
In utero, and long before birth, you help determine the strength and resilience of your baby’s immune system. The many subtle (and not so subtle) factors that affect a fetus are part of the response to allergens, virus, bacteria, and a host of other challenges to your baby’s immune system.
While it seems sometimes overwhelming to try to be aware of everything you consume or are exposed to during pregnancy, the reality is that your unborn baby is experiencing it all, too. Obviously, your choices of what you eat, how you handle stress, and what you do for recreation all affect your own wellness and biochemistry. By the time you baby is born, the basic pattern she experiences is already in many ways a reflection of your choices.
This can be an exciting and inspiring piece of information. I know several couples who played beautiful music for their unborn child, and then got to witness the recognition and joy in their baby when she heard the same music again after birth. While we are quick to notice that a baby has a relative’s physical features, it’s not as common to trace the baby’s characteristics to more subtle influences.
Your own ability to express feelings in a healthy way is the best contribution you can make to your baby’s immune system (assuming you are already eating healthy and getting exercise and rest). Take the time to inventory where you could improve, and get the support to take the next step.
Of course, all of the above is also true for your infant as she grows. Being exposed to toxins and feeling abandoned or ignored all contribute to biochemical changes that are not optimum for health. Modulating and shielding your baby from these types of disturbances can go along way to minimizing effects.
Dec
1
2008
Having the right tools, right away, is an asset in any task we undertake. In the lifelong role as parent, starting out with the right tools is great. And for all the rest of us, assimilating the best possible tools as we go in the process of parenting is a great way to do it, also.
You don’t have to attend workshops or travel to weekly sessions in order to assemble your own best set of tools. The key component is learning to trust your innate abilities. Common sense often trumps expert opinion in this vocation. The more you develop your own common sense, and learn to trust your own voice, the more your confidence grows.
As parents today, our vulnerability is ripe for exploiting. Never have there been more choices, and more pressure to enroll in services, purchase products, and participate in information and consumption overload. Parenting has in some cases become a business, preying on parents’ fears.
I offer objectivity and support for developing your own cycle of self-reliance. In a collaborative way, we address immediate concerns and then look at overall values and goals that you want to implement. Getting rid of extraneous stuff that is draining your energy is vital at this important stage of your life. Your confidence is your best ally. Clarity and continuity are part of the support system I provide.
Nov
2
2008
As you become a parent and begin to understand the lifelong ramifications, you may also observe opportunities to grow yourself as a person. Our child give us many chances, in many different settings, to observe our own choices of our behaviors and reactions.
Of course, our own child’s behaviors trigger us at times. She may exhibit a pattern or habit that we don’t like in ourselves. He may somehow remind us of a relative or person we have memories of, and that may be pleasant, joyful, sad, or annoying. Every time such an event comes up, it’s a chance to choose what we do.
Many parents revert to the pattern established by their own parenting. Others have studied approaches that may have appealed to them, and are trying to implement those. Some are influenced by friends and peers, others allow their own parenting style to emerge as they meet their baby.
The choices today in parenting styles are many. How do you choose the way that is right for you? What do you do if the way you have chosen isn’t working?
How do you best use parenting to grow yourself as a person? The results you experience are very much up to you. Having excellent support increases the chances of the outcome being what you desire.
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