Babies: Look At How We Parent
What will our future be like? I get a small glimpse every time I witness an interaction between an adult and a baby/toddler. It’s not that I have a crystal ball, but as a dedicated observer and researcher of how parenting affects baby brain development, I continue to see the correlation between parents’/caregivers’ “styles” and the baby’s behavior. The recurring pattern I notice is that stressed, maxed-out parents have babies/toddlers with much more challenging, ‘acting out’ behaviors that then, in turn, contribute to more stress for the adult. The cycle is particularly challenging when parents are already encumbered with sleep deprivation, straining relationships, and the myriad of other ‘extras” heaped on (often) unprepared parents.
I continue to encourage my clients and others to take the time to look at your ‘bare minimum” requirements of what you need to feel good yourself. It can be as simple as a 10 minute walk by yourself in the morning when a neighbor or trusted someone will watch your child. Scheduling “me” time is never more important than when you are parenting. I say that because if you are feeling at all resentful, frustrated, depressed, maxed out, etc., etc., your baby gets it – even at the very youngest ages.
You may be arguing with someone on the phone in the next room – your child knows and senses the stressed energy you carry as a result. She may not begin to grasp the content, but the biochemical and energetic shifts that strong emotions create are transmitted – every time, no matter how well you think you ’shield’ your child.
Take the time to define your “bare minimum” of “me” time required to operate in a consistently calm and balanced manner. You will reap disproportionate rewards in your child’s behaviors.
Email and phone support for parents of babies and toddlers
Ingrid Johnson
303.776.8100
www.BabyParentingCoach.com
Ingrid, this is a great article…something I need to be reminded of. I definetely lack “me time.” I’m a mom of twins and it’s a demanding life to say the least. My husband’s great about taking on the boys when he gets home from work but then I start cooking dinner (definetely not what I consider “me time.”)
Look forward to reading more from you!
BTW…found you on mom loop.
This is very good advice. so many times we as parents do not think that what we are going thru is in any way reflected in our child, But it is obvious that this is true.
Thanks, Eileen and Liz! Please keep the feedback coming.
One of the biggest challenges of parenting babies and toddlers is that the task is so consuming. To carve out some type of “me time” seems virtually impossible for many parents. That does not take away from how important and valuable it is.
I often brainstorm with clients to come up with the most simple, immediate respite they can create in the midst of their ‘non-stop’ schedules. It’s amazing how something small and simple can create a feeling of relief, and then you can learn to build on that.