Dec
2
2010
TAGS: baby development ⋅ baby parenting ⋅ brain development ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting power ⋅ parenting skills ⋅ relationships
Alan Watts spoke of an “integrity of pattern” when describing the energetic dance in which we all participate. As a fan of his old programs from the 1980′s, I recently heard that phrase and related it to the ‘self hug’ I recommend to parents of toddlers. Restoring our own “integrity of pattern” means re-aligning ourselves with our highest and best intentions, our innermost knowing, and our richest resources. It gives us access to the underlying wisdom that easily becomes obscured in the course of a day (parenting a toddler or not).
As easy as it is to lose sight of this inherent well of knowing we all possess, it’s also simple to restore ourselves to that place and then draw upon it during the course of our day. Mom and Dad engaging in a ‘self hug’ means taking a few moments to let go of immediate stressors, finding a neutral space within, taking a few deep breaths, and visualizing something refreshing and revitalizing. It’s deceptively simple and effective, and also is easy to teach your toddler. I’ve seen 3 year old’s already proficient at using this technique on their own, after practicing with an adult a few times.
The sense of knowing one can modulate one’s own state is a powerful tool to give ourselves and our children. You can make a game out of it, personalize it for your child, and invoke it for yourself as needed. It’s contagious in the best possible meaning of the word! Try it today.
Nov
4
2010
TAGS: baby development ⋅ baby parenting ⋅ creative play ⋅ nurturing parenting ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting power ⋅ parenting support
I recently heard a discussion on the radio about the loss of creativity in the workplace as a detriment to our economy. Seems there is a preponderance of one-dimensional employees with little or no creative capacity. Seems that researchers and investigators are now finding this phenomenon does not impact our economy positively. It’s hard for me not to inject some sarcasm into my comments, since the creativity in most of us is deleted, pruned, or at least substantially diminished in our very early years.
Once again, a phenomenon that affects us all is only being recognized and discussed long after the most promising time and opportunity to address it has passed. To discuss loss of economic productivity in the marketplace and trace it back to lack of creativity in employees is a very backward approach to a very fundamental issue. What about the quality of life these employees must have had before they ever reached adulthood to be so abysmally devoid of an inherent aspect that we all have at birth? Why is no one asking what happened that we have an adult population with a marked absence of creativity?
Isn’t it alarming that the parenting of infants and toddlers does not include any substantive discussion of the enormous power of parents at this time in their parenting careers to impact creativity for life? This is the most optimum time in which to give a new human being the necessary neural circuitry, nurturing, and fertile foundation for developing and accessing creativity for life. It’s not about Baby Einstein, or any of a large array of superficial ‘educational’ toys for very young children. Parental understanding of what is happening developmentally is crucial to the kind of experiences that truly build cognitive functioning, along with all the adjunct developments in a child who is balanced and whole. That beginning is where creativity thrives and flourishes. Without the understanding necessary to appropriately incubate and nurture this vital part of the new human, it gets suffocated, shut down, and over time, completely eradicated. Hence our current, not surprisingly creativity devoid workforce!
Jun
16
2010
TAGS: baby parenting ⋅ listening to your baby ⋅ parenting education ⋅ parenting skills
At the end of the day, even with all the parenting resources available today, it’s our sense of trusting ourselves that empowers us. Creating an ongoing format to enhance that confidence is a powerful tool to have in our parenting repertoire. It might be as simple as talking over your options about a particular challenge with a trusted mentor. An ongoing moms group that enables listening and sharing in a supportive way may be a good source of feedback. There are a variety of options for developing this important trait in your parenting.
As with many aspects of parenting, there is opportunity to constantly add to your ‘toolbox’, refine your insights, and upgrade your skills. Raising kids is the ultimate growth experience. They are growing – you can, too! Seeing the inevitable challenges as opportunities for your own personal growth is an attitude worth exploring.
You may wonder how a baby’s sleep habits could be an opportunity for your growth. Well, there are a great many different ways of responding, reacting, and handling sleep patterns and habits. The behaviors of your infant may summon responses that are unique. Singing a particular lullaby may work better with one child than another. The variations and opportunities for creativity are huge. Have fun with it, explore, be flexible and open, and see you own potential expand. That’s the best start to trusting yourself as a parent.
May
8
2010
TAGS: baby development ⋅ baby learning ⋅ baby parenting ⋅ brain development ⋅ nurturing parenting ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting support ⋅ relationships ⋅ security
What will our future be like? I get a small glimpse every time I witness an interaction between an adult and a baby/toddler. It’s not that I have a crystal ball, but as a dedicated observer and researcher of how parenting affects baby brain development, I continue to see the correlation between parents’/caregivers’ “styles” and the baby’s behavior. The recurring pattern I notice is that stressed, maxed-out parents have babies/toddlers with much more challenging, ‘acting out’ behaviors that then, in turn, contribute to more stress for the adult. The cycle is particularly challenging when parents are already encumbered with sleep deprivation, straining relationships, and the myriad of other ‘extras” heaped on (often) unprepared parents.
I continue to encourage my clients and others to take the time to look at your ‘bare minimum” requirements of what you need to feel good yourself. It can be as simple as a 10 minute walk by yourself in the morning when a neighbor or trusted someone will watch your child. Scheduling “me” time is never more important than when you are parenting. I say that because if you are feeling at all resentful, frustrated, depressed, maxed out, etc., etc., your baby gets it – even at the very youngest ages.
You may be arguing with someone on the phone in the next room – your child knows and senses the stressed energy you carry as a result. She may not begin to grasp the content, but the biochemical and energetic shifts that strong emotions create are transmitted – every time, no matter how well you think you ‘shield’ your child.
Take the time to define your “bare minimum” of “me” time required to operate in a consistently calm and balanced manner. You will reap disproportionate rewards in your child’s behaviors.
Jan
11
2010
TAGS: baby development ⋅ baby learning ⋅ baby parenting ⋅ parenting choices ⋅ parenting power ⋅ parenting support ⋅ relationships ⋅ security
Much of my focus recently has been on educating about the importance of parenting to support optimum baby brain development. The deeper I delve into research that has, in most cases, been around for many years, the more it is validated for me that what we do as parents/caregivers of the very young is inextricably linked to quality of life for us all. It’s interesting to me that so little connection is made in our mainstream media. It’s as if tantrums, behavioral challenges, ADD/ADHD, teen angst, our overflowing prisons, and the myriad of social problems that we have arrive from another planet, are some external ill that is foisted upon us, and are reason to consult ‘experts’ or other resources outside ourselves. It’s my belief that 90+% of these issues could be addressed in very early childhood. Preparing for and supporting ourselves during this monumental task would make a world of difference, not just for you and your child, but for all of us who live in this society and world with you.
Without getting into the highly private, intense, and controversial areas of parenting styles, I still see an enormous benefit to educating about the critical impact, for life, of what a baby and toddler experiences in the 0 – 3 age range. While we can focus on a variety of ‘superficial’ issues, one parenting method over another, choices that seem vital to the parenting style we want to endorse, we seldom hear or have an open discussion of the impact of subtle nuances on our baby’s wellness. Even amongst ‘experts’, the importance of clarity of our own values and priorities before we parent is seldom discussed.
Learning to recognize, love, and accept that which is difficult, unacceptable, and challenging within ourselves is a fundamental precept to parenting. Support for that process is vital and easily makes the difference between a parent who suceeds and one who is overwhelmed.
Please encourage all those you know who are comtemplating parenthood, are already parents of babies/toddlers, and who are caregivers to seek their most trustworthy parenting voice from their own essence. As always, I welcome your questions and comments.
